“Perception is reality-Unfortunately our perception is your reality”- said a client director to my sales leader recently in a business discussion.
In a business scenario, our clients hold the purse strings. We need to add value to him/her woo them, please them enough to be convinced to change their perceptions about our products, our business and our brand in order to be associated with us.
But in a personal scenario, do we still do the same? Every single day that we come to work we carry a personal brand. We need to add value to the people we talk to, colleagues, clients, partners, something to take away. If it is a person in higher management or a client, we woo them, sell our image and create our perception in way we want it to be.
In an ideal world, our perception of ourselves should be our reality. But it is not. Usually our reality becomes what others perceive of us irrespective of what we believe in. Ex: Say, I have been working out for 3 months and feel really fit and trim. But when I run into a colleague who says, “Hey long time, looks like you have gained some holiday weight!” AND… blooop… there goes my confidence down the drain.
IT should not.
But it does.
And then we spend time for damage repair and convincing ourselves that what the others thought of us was not real.
Strangely this necessity to want to be perfect to the world shows up differently in different genders. While women show a larger inclination towards being perfect in their looks and also in multitasking (balancing home and work), men seem to show a higher tendency towards being viewed confident and as someone who is in charge of situations.
It is partly true that physical appearance as such plays an important role in image perception. Malcolm Gladwell in this article particularly speaks of why tall men are perceived to be leaders and 58% of CEOs in Fortune 500 companies are taller than 6 feet.
Yet, judgment about appearance has larger impact on female self-esteem than male. Many social experiments have particularly proved that beauty in other women or praise for other women sparks an instant threat in a woman. This is partly genetic and partly deep-rooted in the way women have been perceived time immemorial.
Similarly, the man has been the Alpha provider in tribes right since we evolved from Apes. While the purpose of the female has been to nurture, the man has been to provide and protect. This is again as deep rooted as is the female insecurity for physical appearance.
But why is any of this relevant to personal branding or building our perception? Because in order to build a brand for the world it is important to build a brand for oneself. What we are, we believe becomes our second nature and our reality and thus our perception.
How can then, either gender deal with this insecurity from affecting how they view their own personal image?
Recognize: Awareness and acknowledgement is the first step to action. It is important to recognize that feeling judged for physical appearance is in the genes and second nature of women. It also is an important part of self- identity. This acceptance saves many women the trouble to disprove it, fight and to keep re-defining their image based on what other think. Ex: A few days ago a male friend suggested that my profile picture on facebook looked boring. Ideally I should not be bothered. I actually thought it was very pretty and professional picture in a saree. Neither am I young teenager to feel flustered the moment I am not judged fashionable enough. And also I am as such not very dressy girl. Yet, it bothered me. The fact that a younger woman’s picture was stated as an example bothered me somewhere deep down inside. WHAT bothered me was not the comment but the fact that I was jealous. After deeply pondering over this thought, I have come to acknowledge that this is my nature. I am supposed to feel threatened deep down inside and that it is OK. I do not have necessity to prove that I don’t care, neither do I have a necessity to compete. I feel judged and that is ok. Whew!
For men, acceptance that their female family members would take more than “five minutes” to get dressed even when it is a pointless occasion would help their relationship greatly. Accept, she feels judged. It is in her genes.
Acceptance of ourselves or our partner’s second nature enables us to understand what the person is capable of. And then one can start constructing the reality around it. While it is imperative that our perception to the world needs to be associated with our actions, our work and what we can do, it is more important for us to know who we are. To accept ourselves, love ourselves, preen over the mirror, take pride in our physical appearance whatever it may be, at every stage and age of life.
Because when we love ourselves and perceive ourselves to be loveable- our perception becomes our and others’ reality.
